About Hotelier 101

A HOTELIER must be a diplomat, a democrat, an autocrat, an acrobat and a door mat.

They must have the facility to entertain prime ministers, princes of industry, pickpockets, gamblers, bookmakers, pirates, philanthropists, and prudes. They must be on both sides of the political fence and be able to jump the fence.

They should be, or have been a footballer, golfer, bowler, tennis player, cricketer, dart player, sailor, pigeon fancier, motor sport involving dice, cards, horses and pool cues. As they sometime have to settle arguments and squabbles, they must be a qualified boxer, wrestler, weight-lifter, sprinter and peacemaker.

They must always look immaculate when drinking with ladies and gentlemen – as well as with bankers, wankers, theatricals, commercial travelers, and company representatives, even though they may have just made peace between two, four, six or more of the aforementioned patrons.

To be successful, they must keep the bar full, the house full, the storeroom full, the wine cellar full, the customers full and not get full themselves. They must have staff who are clean, honest, quick workers, quick thinkers, non-drinkers, mathematicians, technicians, and at all times on the boss’ side, the customer’s side and on the outside of the bar.

To sum up – THEY MUST BE OUTSIDE, INSIDE, OFFSIDE, GLORIFIED, SANCTIFIED, CRUCIFIED, CROSS EYED, AND IF THEY ARE NOT THE STRONG SILENT TYPE…..then leave!